Step one: Admit there is a problem
yes, you have a problem. when the first and last thing (and about 40 more things) you do in a day is check for new tweets, you are addicted. When you constantly look at your iPhone every time someone tweets, you are addicted. Admit this to yourself and move on. Its the only way.
Step two: Crystal Meth
Try doing something less addictive to take your mind off of Twitter. Something like Crack or Crystal Meth should do the trick. No longer will you obsess about Twitter. You will be getting out and interacting in the world. True, the interaction is probably armed robbery or car jacking, but there are government programs to help with that. Twitter addiction, on the other hand, is totally without government support.
Step three: Go Offline
The only way to truly get Twitter under control is to sever the artery of the internet. It is an extremely painful process (due to ISP paperwork and upsells) but a necessary one. Power down that monitor and yell “Get behind me Satan” at the top of your lungs.
Step four: Twinkies
This is going to be a rough time for you. the best known remedy is to drown your sorrows in Little Debbie snack cakes and Twinkies. Just saying the word, “twinkie” makes you feel bloated and greasy. What better way to remove any inkling of Twitter in your life could there be?
Steps five thru twelve:
There really are no other steps, because once you get hooked on Twinkies, Twitter pales by comparison. so far no one has ever needed additional steps. One of the potential steps that were thought up were “Neuro-Shock Therapy”, where tall really fat men were dressed in tutu’s and told to dance Swan Lake while eating M&M’s and carrying a duck. NST was originally developed by the military from a psychological weapons division, but even the military felt it was too cruel for practical use.
Well, hopefully you have cured your Twitter addiction enough to live a happy government controlled life.
And as always, pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.
Toff Ward
Open Source Marketer
p.s. When the Twinkies run out, follow me on Twitter …. @peddlewin
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